brand new start (?)

I should have realized about it a long time ago. I felt completely alone and numb, yet you would not even ask what was going with me. My mind was dark. I was only thinking about whether I should cut my arm and whether I would feel better. I knew that you were still happy no matter what I had been through. I did not blame you to be happy, but I did blame you for why you were so ignorant. I did blame myself too for hoping that an ignorant person would care about me.

I feel silly. I feel so silly. I feel weak. I feel vulnerable. I feel like it is not the real me. The real me would not be as stupid as this. But I could not really hold myself responsible. My feelings were and are valid.

I don't know what will I do after writing this. I don't know whether I will be okay or getting sadder but I know the persons that I can count on. Just not that one.