COVID-19 Diary: I Wanna Puke, Literally

Not a lot of people write about their experience on covid, I guess. So, here I am. I have got nothing to do, my doctor said I should not think much about work, so I would love to write here to kill time.

First off, I'm not sure whether my symptoms began on Tuesday or Thursday. On Tuesday (22/06), I felt ill, but it was a usual ill because I just felt like I was exhausted. I think my immune system had decreased since then because I did not feel as healthy as usual. I got a bit dizzy on Wednesday and also lack of sleep because I needed to go to the airport in the witching hour. I was back in Malang on Thursday morning and worked in the afternoon. I got a cough and flu on Thursday. Then, I felt completely sick on Friday, but I decided to go to work because I thought I still could make it and it was just my usual sick (because we got sick sometimes right).

The symptoms got worse on Sunday, though I still went out to have a cuppa with some friends (my friends got tested after I told them that I'm positive, I'm glad they are negative). Dad told me to go to the doctor on Tuesday if I'm not getting better. I prepared myself for the worst on Monday night. When I result of the test is positive, I was like, akhirnya kena juga. It didn't shock me because I prepared myself.

Di rumah sakit, karena aku untungnya cuman gejala ringan, aku dipersilahkan untuk isolasi mandiri. Aku awalnya pengen sekalian di hotel biar staycation :) tapi ayah mau aku yang dekat rumh aja agar orang tua mudah berkunjungnya kalau ingin bawain sesuatu. Anyway, rumah sakit, mungkin karena aku bergejala ringan dan tidak butuh oksigen, ngelepas aku begitu aja setelah memberi obat dan edukasi seputar isolasi mandiri. Jadi literally aku sempet ngemper di lobby sebelum nunggu jemputan ambulance datang buat ke lokasi isolasi mandiri. Aku pun memutuskan tidak isolasi mandiri di rumah, karena aku mikirnya pasti ribet.

Gejala ringan yang aku rasain adalah flu, batuk, anosmia, dan lidah agak kehilangan rasa. Hari pertama isolasi mandiri, asam lambungku kambuh dan buat yang pernah ngerasain, kalian pasti tahu sendiri sakitnya seperti apa. Sekarang hari ketiga isolasi mandiri, aku masih batuk, anosmia, kadang mual, dan kalau makan terasa aneh, tapi aku tetep maksa makan because I know that my body needs food to fight whatever it is.

A lot of people asking me if I'm okay, to be honest, I don't know how to answer that. I'm literally physically and mentally not okay. Buat yang tanya, mostly aku biasanya bakal jawab gapapa, because that is the easiest thing I can do. I cannot explain why I feel this and that, but my feelings are there. So, aku gapapa :) 

The last thing that I would like to say, covid is not a crime that I don't need to hide. I think there are so many negative stigmas towards covid 19 patients too. Despite that stigma, I have guilt shame. I feel like I'm a burden to a lot of people. So, the point of why I write a diary here (dan kayaknya bakalan nulis terus selama isoman), is to remind myself that I don't need to feel guilty and be hard on myself.